Snow Days

Snow days are for housekeeping and for taking stock
Snow days are for counting your blessings, helping neighbours and relishing the beauty of the brilliance of winter sun on crisp snow - enjoy!!

yes... it's cold
yes.... it's inconvenient
yes..... things grind to a halt

but these things pass

our lives are filled with busyness and hustle and speed
when things come to a gentle stop... as you slide across the slippery paths.. and trudge through the snow
just accept it
give thanks
make the most of it
accept help if it's offered
offer help if you are able
see the good in those whom you see along the way
and thank our Creator for all the seasons and all our variety of weather....
an act of God isn't necessarily bad!!

Work and Worship

Today I am back to full time work
this happened officially yesterday and this morning I have a full diary for the next 7 days (except Sunday!)
Returning to work means that many other things will change - no more freedom to start a day slowly and to simply do nothing if I so choose
No more wondering what to do either - for now I have a timetable to fulfil
and my working means that others will not - this also needs to be dealt with

The weeks ahead will bring many challenges and changes
There is much planning to do
...and much negotiating
I truly hope and pray that the lessons learnt and the reserves stored up will stand me in good stead; I will work hard to make it so, and I will always turn to Him who made us to strengthen and guide just as He has over the past months - listening in the quiet of a day by the sea makes it easy - holding onto that and taking it back to the town, to the church and to the meeting room is the real challenge!

Great is your faithfulness O God my Father
morning by morning your mercies I see
all I have needed your hand has provided
Great is your faithfulness Lord unto me

Patience is a Virtue

Another road trip
Another week
Another answer
and many more questions

Such is life!
I was reminded this week of a verse from John's gospel. During his long final discourse Jesus spoke at length to comfort and prepare his disciples.
They may well have been under the impression that they had chosen for themselves to follow Jesus, to be his constant companions, but he reminded them, "you did not choose me, I chose you..."
This verse is one af a few which have followed me over the years; Jeremiah's "I know the plans..." Paul's "Press on towards the goal..." and Jesus, in John, "You did not choose me, I chose you..."
All have over many years touched me, as indeed I am sure they have touched many other people. Becoming relevant in particular circumstances and bringing strength and reassurance when needed.

I feel like I am sitting on the edge, watching, waiting for a signal to tell me the time is right to jump back into the game.
The past week has been both exhausting and exhilarating; visits made, conversations had, invitations offered and accepted. But the wheels are running very slowly... so slowly that I feel frustration. I am trying very hard to find other things to do... other distractions to keep my mind occupied.
Time will come for planning and specualting, but for now I need calm, patience... and to hold onto the thought...

You did not choose me, I chose you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last

potentiality

November First!
Wow!
How the heck did that happen?
Time as ever accelerates and decelerates in direct relation to our mood or schedule.
The past three months has been a maelstrom - and out of it has come much that is good and uplifting
Last week I made my regular visit to my Spiritual Director - we talked over the previous month's thought and reflection; one of the best things I like about our visits together is the deliberate-ness of the conversation
There is no pretence; no shambling around - she asks me direct questions and I try my best to answer them; one of these was what have you learned of God in all that has happened since August - I pondered this for a while because the answer is not a simple one, but here are some of the things that came to mind:
To let go
To look forward
To accept, learn, move on
To be happy in my own company
To listen to God
To be content with silence and solitude
To hand over the frustrations and the feelings of helplessness and anger
But most of all...
and this was a revelation in one of our silent interludes - POTENTIAL
What we do with the word potential is varied; but for me, in that moment, sat in autumn sunshine, in a window that overlooks the Moray Firth from the Black Isle the potential was tangible
The potential for a big move
The potential for a new life
The potential to go where God leads me
Realising my potential, taking hold of it, but always remembering that as a servant of God my control is limited; this is not to say I do not have power, of course I do, and will, and desires, but in all of my broken humanity it is good to remember that it is God who is leading me, God who is prompting me - my potential develops according to my willingness and ability to be still and listen to the small voice within:
Where is God?
God is in the gentle whisper of the breeze, God is in the inspirations and the insights; to know this, or that, is of God, all we need to do is be patient... wait... listen... respond

Dreams and Visions

Just ruminating this morning on how strange life can be - and thanking God that we do not know the future
When I look back, a few weeks, months... then a couple of years, five, ten and twenty I ponder the girl I knew then and am stunned
If anyone had told her the things she'd do; the places she'd go; and the paths her life would take - she'd have laughed with incredulity; or been appalled; or terrified!
Waiting, waiting, for answers, for movement, for resolution, for something to happen
and in the waiting... lies a modicum of frustration
Needing targets and a sense of urgency to be truly productive means that when there is nothing specific in the immediate future I become very unfocussed
This in itself is not a new revelation, I have long known it about myself; what is new however, is the sense of dissatisfaction I have; instead of happily filling my hours with trivia I find I am drifting from one thing to another, never actually finishing things.
So today I ponder dreams and visions - trying to grasp the elusive vision that was once so clear; trying to get a stronger awareness of the things I dreamed and dream of for the future
I do not seek knowledge, or specifics, simply to regain the sense of walking a path that God has chosen and being led by Him towards my future - whatever that is...
and I pray that I may never fall into the trap of self-righteousness but wait patiently for the way to be lit before me

A Waiting Game

Back home to the seaside; though I'm not sure if this is home, home....
It is one home.
I am beginning to feel I should move back to the manse and stop hiding out here - lovely though it is!

The road trip was good.
I loved the new secret village.
I could see myself there - becoming part of that community.
I want to be excited and enthusiastic - but am terrified of being let down again.

Yesterday was a revelation - terrifying to be back in a pulpit - especially one so grand, high and magnificent
But also wonderful and right

To be leading worship once more; to be back doing that to which I am called was wonderful

I felt it went well; and I felt that people were responding to me... but it is not really for me to judge.
I was myself (all the liturgical stuff aside!)
I did what I did, and I gave of my best
I hope an pray that it reached out and gave them something to think about and reflect on

Now I must wait
Be patient
And move on forwards

Life is good
God is great
I am blessed

Be thankful
Praise God
Gratitude is Important... in all things, in all experiences - find things to be thankful for, every day, every moment
Give Him the thanks

face your fear - do it anyway!

Count your blessings one by one....
this is the week
travelling; visiting; chatting; discerning; seeking guidance and preaching!
Whoop!

Over the past couple of days the sense of change within me has begun to grow and ripen
I feel the time has come to stop hiding away
It is now time to face my fears and to reclaim who I am
Time to take that step - the one I have spoken of and thought about so many times in recent weeks

Preparing for this weekend; and also accepting an invite to do a little supply
all will help me to be ready for the return to life in the goldfish bowl

It is time to see and be seen
time to reclaim my life as it was before all the nonsense sent me into a spin


Suddenly I am ready - ready to be the minister again
ready to be back in my old place - however long that is for.
Timing for the next step is not in my hands
There is only so much I can do; for the rest I hand it over
I trust that God's plan is greater than mine; His vision perfect
So too His timing - all will fall into place and fit
and when we look back on this time we will see the beauty of the pattern He has created.

I am blessed - why?
Because although things did not work out how I had imagined they would, I have been given grace in abundance; I have been able to take time out and away and truly reflect on God's will for me and the people I care about; and I have had the luxury of time out to visit and to meet and to discern without the complications of my work responsibilities
Truly blessed
truly thankful

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. to him belongs eternal praise." Ps 111.10