Dreams and Visions

Just ruminating this morning on how strange life can be - and thanking God that we do not know the future
When I look back, a few weeks, months... then a couple of years, five, ten and twenty I ponder the girl I knew then and am stunned
If anyone had told her the things she'd do; the places she'd go; and the paths her life would take - she'd have laughed with incredulity; or been appalled; or terrified!
Waiting, waiting, for answers, for movement, for resolution, for something to happen
and in the waiting... lies a modicum of frustration
Needing targets and a sense of urgency to be truly productive means that when there is nothing specific in the immediate future I become very unfocussed
This in itself is not a new revelation, I have long known it about myself; what is new however, is the sense of dissatisfaction I have; instead of happily filling my hours with trivia I find I am drifting from one thing to another, never actually finishing things.
So today I ponder dreams and visions - trying to grasp the elusive vision that was once so clear; trying to get a stronger awareness of the things I dreamed and dream of for the future
I do not seek knowledge, or specifics, simply to regain the sense of walking a path that God has chosen and being led by Him towards my future - whatever that is...
and I pray that I may never fall into the trap of self-righteousness but wait patiently for the way to be lit before me

A Waiting Game

Back home to the seaside; though I'm not sure if this is home, home....
It is one home.
I am beginning to feel I should move back to the manse and stop hiding out here - lovely though it is!

The road trip was good.
I loved the new secret village.
I could see myself there - becoming part of that community.
I want to be excited and enthusiastic - but am terrified of being let down again.

Yesterday was a revelation - terrifying to be back in a pulpit - especially one so grand, high and magnificent
But also wonderful and right

To be leading worship once more; to be back doing that to which I am called was wonderful

I felt it went well; and I felt that people were responding to me... but it is not really for me to judge.
I was myself (all the liturgical stuff aside!)
I did what I did, and I gave of my best
I hope an pray that it reached out and gave them something to think about and reflect on

Now I must wait
Be patient
And move on forwards

Life is good
God is great
I am blessed

Be thankful
Praise God
Gratitude is Important... in all things, in all experiences - find things to be thankful for, every day, every moment
Give Him the thanks

face your fear - do it anyway!

Count your blessings one by one....
this is the week
travelling; visiting; chatting; discerning; seeking guidance and preaching!
Whoop!

Over the past couple of days the sense of change within me has begun to grow and ripen
I feel the time has come to stop hiding away
It is now time to face my fears and to reclaim who I am
Time to take that step - the one I have spoken of and thought about so many times in recent weeks

Preparing for this weekend; and also accepting an invite to do a little supply
all will help me to be ready for the return to life in the goldfish bowl

It is time to see and be seen
time to reclaim my life as it was before all the nonsense sent me into a spin


Suddenly I am ready - ready to be the minister again
ready to be back in my old place - however long that is for.
Timing for the next step is not in my hands
There is only so much I can do; for the rest I hand it over
I trust that God's plan is greater than mine; His vision perfect
So too His timing - all will fall into place and fit
and when we look back on this time we will see the beauty of the pattern He has created.

I am blessed - why?
Because although things did not work out how I had imagined they would, I have been given grace in abundance; I have been able to take time out and away and truly reflect on God's will for me and the people I care about; and I have had the luxury of time out to visit and to meet and to discern without the complications of my work responsibilities
Truly blessed
truly thankful

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. to him belongs eternal praise." Ps 111.10

Rising to the Challenge

It is "Put your money where your mouth is" time!

This is good.
Over the past few weeks I have experienced the whole range of emotional extremes from despair to elation and back again. And finally, I am going to get back on that Horse!
I will preach in a friend's church and be strengthened, empowered, renewed, emboldened and hopefully - affirmed.

Having the luxury of taking time out so that I can reflect and consider the future is a real bonus; rediscovering me, and my relationship with God; time to remember that I did not choose him, but he chose me to bear friut; remembering that He knows the plans he has for me; remembering that there is nowhere I can go that the love of God will not find me; and that there is nothing I can do that will separate me from the Love of God through Jesus Christ.

how blessed we are, when we remember
how blessed to put things back together again
how blessed to simply be

whether things come to fruition over the next few weeks or not I will follow where He leads; I will know that he guides me and blesses me. And the future is His

let go - let God

Surprises...

From despondency to hope
From weariness to energy
From darkness to light

Broadening the search has led to a surprise result - a profile which fits like a glove both ways!!
Their description of a minister is me; and my description of a parish is them.

Now to wait on the Lord... test this dawn of calling...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Today as I walked on the beach it seemed to speak to me - reflecting my life as it is just now

From the safety of the grassy bank
to large rocks - all tumbled together, no firm footing anywhere, but still beauty there

and then to larger rocks, firm, embedded and steady offering resilience and sanctity

and then more rocks, decreasing in size until they are just pebbles disappearing under my feet and pushing together provide thier own stability

Finally reaching the sand - sometimes obstructed by large clumps of weed; or the flotsam and jetsam that has washed up and will be washed again on the next high tide; if it is dry it takes effort to walk on it, when wet, it offers a firmer footing - but even if it looks firm, until you step onto it, you do not know... you need to take that step!!

Over the past two weeks, i have contacted numerous vacant charges from The List, only to discover that 6 had already found someone; 1 had problems and was not taking applications, 1 was just too big... another just wrong... 5 I have visited which put 4 of those out!!
I have 2 left one I've visited properly, the other is so far away I'll have to plan an overnight

Where am I?
Rocks?
Pebbles?
Sand?
Hiding in the driftwood?

Indecision

I used to be an impulse sort of girl
I'd see something and just go for it
But lately it seems that I am much more hesitant
I used to always have the answers - I'd know what I wanted and I would step on out and grab it with enthusiasm
But lately my confidence has been less sure, less certain, and so I find I cannot just go out there and grab life with both hands.

Is the recent past the only thing that is to blame?
Or is it that the years have taught me that hasty decisions are repented at leisure?
Is impetuousness always a bad idea?

Sometimes we will only know the answer after we take courage in hand and make that leap; for it is only then that we truly know.
Indiana Jones had to make his leap of faith, exhorted by his Father- beleive boy, beleive... for him the light dawned as he looked across a seemingly bottomless cavern - no logic, no science, no facts to back up the proposed action - just faith
A Leap of Faith
it's A Leap of Faith

am I brave enough to take the leap???