Taking Care...

 Yesterday I recieved my first Covid vaccination.

It was pretty much painless and straightforward. Arrive, check in, wait in line, called to a booth with a nurse. answer a few health questions. Then get your injection.

The blue envelope had arrived last week, so we had a good 10 days notice, easy to make sure the diary was free; I cannot think of anything that would have prevented me from attending. 

When the envelope arrived I had tweeted a picture! It really was that big a deal; and almost immediatley I received a message from my contact in the church comms team: would I be willing to have my photo taken having my jag? Could it be used to help promote the notion of accepting the invitation to vaccination? 

Naturally I agreed; it feels like the whole church has shared my Covid journey via the Fair Question interview I had, and a whole range of contacts that sprang from then.

I have catalogued my Long Covid journey, so yesterday was really the final chapter - or at least the beginning of the final chapter, dose two comes in May.

2021 has brought better health; my energy is back, my sleep pattern restored, I feel like myself again. I still have days when my phantosmia and parosmia are high... that's things smelling strange, or smelling things that are not there! phantom smoke is the strongest and coffee tasting strange. 

So, I asked the nurse if I could take a picture of the jag? She checked with her manager, who not only thought it was a good idea, she came and took the photos for me! 

I am amazed that there are people who are not taking up the invite. This vaccine is our hope for the future: people have used thier God-given gifts and talents to develop the vaccine so that we can be protected. It makes sense. It helps us, and it will in the long term help others. 

Take care of yourself: keep safe and well. Take up the invitation for protection for you and those whom you love.

I am looking forward now to better days; to being able to see the family and our frends, to getting out and about and enjoying God's creation. 

I am looking forward to throwing open the church doors and welcoming people back so that we can join together and sing praises to God. 

Self Care in the Year of Covid

 Many of you who read my reflections, or listen in when I share thoughts know that I have Long Covid.

For the uninitiated this the the long-lasting after effect of the virus. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome; post viral fatigue - call it what you like, Long Covid is utterly debilitating. For the past several months I have been trying to manage my time more carefully; working out what the triggers are, trying to predict when a wave of exhaustion will hit, finding ways to protect myself and conserve what energy Have.

For short amounts of time I can act like a "normal" person; I can deliver a sermon, smile and chatter, maintain conversations, go about like life is normal. But I have discovered that the payback comes in a wave of overwhelming fatigue that will wash over me, threatening to drown me. As a result I may go to bed; or I may just sit, and basically do nothing. Not a thing. At its worst I struggle to climb the stairs to even get to my bed. 

Dogs exercising selfcare...

Last week, in a checking in appointment my doctor extended the "Reduced Hours Note" to the end of the year. The End of the Year. He suggested it will be at least this long before I really get well - but, and here's the rub, he also admitted they have no clue. They are going on similar post viral illnesses, and for now simply collecting data from each person who is displaying these symptoms to work out exactly what Long Covid really does. 

This morning I am beyond tired; yesterday we were in person for worship; it was great to see a few folks; the phones didn't record so well, so I did not have anything I could cut together to share more widely; I thought I might do a wee live reflection later - but an hour or so in bed, and preparing dinner was actually all I did yesterday afternoon. Today I am still tired. So I have decided it is time to exercise some self-care.

I am supposed to be reducing my hours, so I am going to do that - intentionally now, not just piecemeal. I will block out days, and on a "work" day, be very strict about not more than two things - two is my absolute limit, when I go over I have discovered I lose another day in recovery. People are kind, and ask how I'm doing, am I getting better? My answer varies, some days I feel well, other days dreadful. truthfully, I don't know if I am improving, I am just keeping moving, looking after myself, trying to guard my time. 

The bonus is time for quiet reflection; time to talk with God; time to pause and simply be. I have discovered God is never far, I am aware of the Holy in everyday things, I am aware of God's presence, alongside me... waiting for me to regroup, no pressure, just love and presence. for me, for my time, this is my self care, God with me. 

Early in the Morning

 It is early on a Saturday morning in October.

Last night I attending the General Assembly, which is running later than usual, over two days instead of seven, and online rather than in-person.

Except I got to be there in person! 

As a committee convener in fact, I was expected to be there in person. It was eery; the Assembly Hall is usually packed with around 800 bodies; seats are at a premium; to get your preferred space you need to arrive early.  Yet, last night, I arrived early in order to be briefed on how to use the building. Seats were allocated; There were 21 people in the hall, including the behind the scenes tech team. 

The final online briefing was introduced, live, from the hall about an hour before proceedings began, and immediately I realised I hadn't't muted my phones because they started pining as friends sent "I see you!" messages! Thank goodness it was just the final instructions!

I have blogged about General Assembly a number of times over the years, and I love it. I love the ceremony; the opportunities to catch up with friends I haven't seen for a while; I love the worship; and, strange to say, I love the business - the reports and the discussion about policy going forward. 

Last night was very different. In the hall, I felt detached. Because of the way things were set, I was unable to see who was online; though the technology allowed for pep to be "brought forward" to speak. It was fascinating. It was a very long evening. Scheduled to run from 7 - 9 pm, it soon became clear that it would take longer. Every point that would normally have gone through on a stamping of feet, had to be voted on.  And voting took a few minutes each time. I was scheduled to speak last, no escaping for me! 

It was a long night.

But it was also a privilege to be there, to reflect on our church; to witness our church getting to grips not just with the technology, but also with the need for the church to adapt to today, to be fit for life in the times of Covid, to respond to the needs of the people of God today. 

I will not be there today, either online, or in-person. I have given my report, and I will not be needed today. I may not be there. But I will be praying. For the church. For those reporting. For those who see the need for change, and for those who will challenge that change. 

It is early on an October morning.

The church is gathering, and the church is reflecting, the church is responding to the needs of all God's People, for today, and for the future. I pray that God will guide and bless every person for today and for our future. 

24 Hour Rant Alert!

 What has happened to the news?

I ask this because again today I found myself shouting at the TV. 

This happens on a more or less regular daily basis. The news, should be information about the world, the nation and the community. It should be facts. Accurate. True. Unbiased facts.

Not speculation.

Not the same line in four different iterations.

Not inane drivel from the "location" - how does making a journalist stand on a rainy roadside add to the integrity or accuracy of a piece to camera?! 

The news has become a 24 hour stream of inanities. There is not enough real news for 24 hour coverage, so it has become necessary to repeat the same story, again, and again, ad infinitum and it is driving me to distraction. 

And! Do not get me started on the items that have become news. Nor the constant need for views of the man or woman in the street - Oh-my-gosh! There are too many stupid people in the world!

Don't ask their opinion, find someone who knows the topic and will give us an accurate fact based, scientific/ historic / politic answer. 

Another thing!! When an announcement is to be made, wait for the announcement. Later today "x" is going to tell us blah, blah, blah... so wait until later. Do not leak the report. Do not guess, and second guess what is going to be in the announcement. 

For my sanity. For my health. I have stopped watching the news. I'd rather watch repeats of Say Yes to the Dress, or Dr Pimple Popper* than listen to another TV journalist spew populist drivel as an approximation of real news. I get my news via the radio, in short 5 minute reports. It is enough. In these strange and terrible days we are living through, it is enough.

News must wait. My heart and mind cannot take any more of the 24 hour stream of drivel. So I give up. I am better without it! 

*can anyone explain why Dr Pimple Popper is oddly compulsive viewing?? 

Life in the Year of Covid

 I am a little stunned to discover it is more than a year since I last wrote a piece or uploaded a sermon here.

Where has this past 12 months gone? There was the relocation of course; and the getting to know a new congregation, a new Presbytery, new ways of doing things, new people, new neighbourhood... the list goes on and on... and then, when 2020 was in its infancy, the world faced one of its biggest challenges: a global pandemic, the like of which we have not seen for more than a century.

In January I joined with dear friends and went (as is our want) to the Caribbean for a cruise. Whilst there we talked about this flu thing that seemed to be going around, and speculated how it might cause some challenges. Never dreaming what could have happened! A week home, and we heard of a cruise ship, quarantined, all the passengers confined to the ship, and gave thanks that it wasn't us. 

Mid-February it became clear that this was no ordinary flu; this virus had some major complications, and news of deaths began to percolate through. News of infections in the UK rose, and bit by bit people began to be afraid. By early March we were avoiding shaking hands, we were using hand sanitiser - and the shops ran out of toilet roll. (It's a flu-like virus- why toilet roll?!!) 

On March 15 we celebrated communion in church, and I felt the fear. The way we did things changed, and I was relieved to come out into the spring sunshine at the end of the service, saying goodbye to our congregants, hoping that all would be ok. Just two days later, churches were closed, and less than a week after that the whole country was confined to home. LOCKDOWN. 

The last week of March I began to have an ache in my side when I breathed. I spent an anxious few hours trying to talk myself in and out of the virus; but then I began to get a raised temperature, by April 4th I had been diagnosed as Covid Symptomatic: no testing available unless you were needing to be admitted to hospital... it was the day before Palm Sunday, and I had already recorded the service for sharing online. Looking back at that service, it is possible to see my decline over the day. 

The next two weeks were lost to me; fever; coughing that wracked my already aching body; pain in every single joint; exhaustion like I have never before experienced. The worst night; the night my fever went over 39 degrees, I wept because I hadn't written letters to my sons; I didn't know if I'd ever see them again, I wanted desperately to hold my husband, but he was in the next room, with his own fever, and his own wracking cough. 

Fast Forward. It is now almost the end of September. I am still not 100% well. Exhaustion is my constant companion. I have to work really hard to pace each day, to not over commit, to make sure that nothing in my diary is so set in stone that I cannot find a sub or postpone an event. I give thanks every day for the support and love of my church. Their encouragement and care has kept me going. They are not afraid to tell me when I work too much, or look tired on the Facebook reflections; we now meet virtually, we have a new vocabulary, new ways of being church with each other.

This past Sunday, 20 September, I led worship back in the church building. It was six months and one week since we were last able to gather. How different it looked! Designated seating. Everyone in a mask; music but no singing; a phone camera recording the service for those who were unable to attend. Numbers were restricted, but we were not over subscribed because so many people are still unsure, feel unsafe, feel afraid. Life is very different.

The numbers of infections, which seems so well controlled after the restrictions of the spring, are now beginning to rise again. People have got used to the new normal and are beginning to relax, perhaps a little too much. Autumn is here. Flu season is round the corner and we wait with bated breath to discover if we will once again be confined to home. 

I have learned many new skills this year. Things I never knew I would need to do. Things that seemed to be unnecessary for ministry. And yet... here we are.

In all of this I have led worship, reflected, sought God in this new way of being.

In all of this, God has been an ever present comfort. In the depths of my despair the Psalms filled my heart with words of lament, and comfort, of fury and joy. Where I am, God is. And God is GOOD.

I hope, and pray, it will not be another year before I write another post!